just got back from my Mammoth trip. it was just an awesome time of snow boardin, grubbin, drinkin', card playin, and just talkin with my best friends. ah good times it was.

what? tomorrow is the first day of 2006?

Seriously, Las Vegas is no match for me. I never lose there. I didn't win as big as I usually do there. But I won again, and that's what really matters here.

Mammoth is next.

I watched 'Fun with Dick and Jane' today. It wasn't much fun though. But they do make fun of corrupted ex-corporations like Enron and Worldcom a lot. Conclusion: Wait for it to come out on DVD. Then, wait for a friend to rent it.

I played bball tonight. It's been more than half a year since I played a full-court game. and i think it showed. it's funny...bball was all i used to do back in high school. every friday, I would go to Central Park and play bball until i pull my calves muscle. now, i basically have no one to play with on a regular basis. and it's not helping me staying in shape. i got light headed and almost fainted today after half a game of 1v1. very embarassing.

Tomorrow, i go to the sin city with my family. my goal is to win just enough to take my family out to the Bellagio buffet. OR maybe i should just forget all that and try to not build up more credit card debt. we shall see if my luck in vegas is still there for me. last 2 trips have been very kind to me...

Don't bother wishing me luck. luck has got nothin to do with it.

I plan to do a LOT in 2006, including the following:

1. Read Darwin on Trial, Purpose Driven Life.
2. Make and launch my website.
3. Keep doing my Web developing work.
4. Learn ASP.NET - become an expert.
5. Bridge the gap between college and YAG sectors in KCPC EM.
6. Get myself in shape!
7. Watch a lot of good movies.
8. Journal more. Not just blog, but more personal journaling.
9. Pray more.
10. No more being a pussy.

I'll need to accomplish #10 in order to accomplish a lot of the rest...

With the year 2006 right around the corner, my heart is heavy with many different thoughts. There is a LOT on my mind right now.

Come, 2006.

It's December 21, 2005 today. Damn! I can't believe it. It kinda snuck up on me... I think now is a good time to look back on this year of 2005.

2005 probably was the most memorable year - that's right, THE most memorable year - of my life. So much happened in such a short amount of time, it seems. Here are some of the highlights of 2005:

• FiCB Winter Retreat 2005 - i guess it was memorable because it was my last real retreat in college. and also because i helped in planning.
• Small Group Night in Tahoe - I know that everyone who went will never forget how much fun we all had. The PRANK was unbelievable. All the food, games, and just being with everyone who was there was just incredible. This was one of the funnest times of my entire life. no doubt. and it will never be matched by any small group night activities by any small groups EVER! we probably can't duplicate the same type of fun either even if we tried.
• Brother's Appreciation Night - wow, this night was pretty dang special. Our class girls really went all out to make us brothers feel real appreciated. Whenever I get annoyed by any of these girls (pretty often =P), I just think about this night, and I get a little less annoyed. I think that's what they were going for - pardon for future annoyances. hahah I'm so kidding!
• POTCH 2005 - ever since my freshmen year, I've always been a big fan of POTCH. It never failed to inspire me. but this one was a little different because I was involved in like 5 out of 7 acts. so I was an inspirer instead of an inspiree. it was awesome spending time with all the freshmen, and it was also the last time I sang with Allelu. But my favorite part was definitely 'the love of my life' act with kihong, fred, and ed. every time i hear any of the songs that we used, i think about this act. ah...good times.
• Turning 23 - I couldn't have asked for more love. It all started off by the young, energetic freshmen giving me a surprise bday cake after POTCH. I, uncharacterisitcally being an idiot -_-, dropped the cake on the floor. But they still managed to cake my face. Then, we had our soccer game that night - and I scored a goal. Wow that was a great feeling. THEN, I came home all sweaty after the game, only to find out that there were all these people waiting to yell 'Surprise!' when i walk in through my apartment's door. I was really really really happy. The next day, we started our spring break. Now, can you think of a better way to turn 23?? I didn't think so.
• Senior Retreat - in a nice little cabin/house at Bodega Bay, we all just relaxed, listened to the Word, and spent our last 'retreat' together. It was cool. It was chill. Just what we all needed after near-4 years of college gone past us...
• Job - To make my already-wonderful spring break even more phoenamenal, I finally got a job offer during the spring break. I wouldn't be sitting here in my office, wasting time, and blogging, if this did not happen. I still remember reading the email over and over and over to make sure that it wasn't a rejection letter.
• FiCB Senior Banquet - another special night. everyone and everything looked and was phoenomenal. For the first time, I took pictures until the batter ran out. I think it was definitely the second best senior banquet ever. The best one being the one we put on. haha. but I might be a little biased...
• Small Group Portrait & Last Supper - ok, I know a lot of people thought we were gay for doing this. But I also know that every single one of those people was jealous that their group didn't get to do it. It was an awesome time of taking homo pictures and sharing meal for the last time with my small group. a quick shoutout to you guys: you guys seriously made my year! i love you guys!!
• Final final - after i finished revising the last final paper, i almost cried. i realized that that was the end of my undergrad college education. i was happy, no doubt. but i still almost cried.
• Graduation - here, I definitely didn't cry. I was so happy and proud to walk onto that stage and pick up my fake diploma from the dean of Berkeley College of Engineering. having my family there and all...it was a great day.
• Moving out of Piedmont - we all bawled like babies. and i ain't embarrassed.
• Europe - I finally did it. I always told myself that i'm gonna go backpacking to europe after i graduate. and I finally did it. and boy, was it memorable... the highlight of this trip was in Switzerland, where I had to sleep on the street by myself in Zurich. but overall, it was a great time of just finding myself. and of course, sight seeing some of the most beautiful places on Earth.
• East Coast - i finally did this too. went to NY and DC. let's just say that I would love to have friends to visit in those places, but I would NEVER live there.
• Became a working man - a lotta people would think that this is the beginning of my decline. but it's really not. and THAT is enough to make this list.

Do you see what I mean? This was the most memorable year of my life! with so many events and changes, i didn't even need any 'romantic' events to make it this good. And to make it even more memorable, I'll be going to Mammoth with my brothers this winter. !!!!!!!

God!! Why are you so good to me!!!!

2005, I'll miss you.

Sometimes we get confused about the difference between main dishes and side dishes (Bahn-Chahn). You think you could be satisfied with gooood bahn-chahn's, but you know that it could never replace the main course of the meal. But because bahn-chahn's are usually more flavorful, you tell yourself that's all you need. But it never truly satisfies. Only when you get your main course of the meal, the whole meal comes together. Only then, you have a complete meal before you. Only then, you can truly enjoy your side dishes for what they are - bahn-chahn.

If you own an iPod, you probably put it on 'Hold' when you're not using it - probably because you don't want its power to turn on accidentally and use up all of battery life. Well, here's the interesting thing about this:

Have you ever put your iPod on "Hold" and tried to use it again in a few days, only to find out that battery was WAY lower or even completely gone even if it was on 'Hold'? I'm SURE you have.

I think it's because 'Hold' actually uses up the battery. How? I have no idea. But I've experimented with it often enough to tell you that it does. Try not using the 'Hold'. You'll find that the battery life actually stays where it's supposed to be.


Here's another useful info:

Use Chevron gas. It's really better than some of other brands, such as Shell. My car has been kinda shaky lately (literally - it's been rattle-y), especially when I go over 70 mph. When I use the Shell gas and the Chevron gas, there's a world of difference in the rattling level. So go use Chevron.

I'm really not biased about this. Really, I'm not.

from Forbes:

"Corporate pressure doesn't create workaholics any more than supermarkets create obesity or liquor stores create drunks. A workaholic is driven to put in long hours by internal needs, typically a desire to escape intimacy and social relationships.

Workaholics often come from dysfunctional homes and have learned that putting in crushing hours helps calm their anxiety about other aspects of life. But like heavy drinking or overeating, workaholism only masks the underlying problem while creating other difficulties.

A hard worker will sprint at the office, handling prodigious amounts of work efficiently and well. Such people know how to relax and enjoy life away from the office and share outside interests with family and friends. But a workaholic constantly thinks and talks about work, even when at home or on the ski slopes. As a result, the workaholic's family suffers, and despite long hours at the office, productivity lags."

Interesting..

As I was coming into work this morning, for the first time this year, my ears were hurting because it was so cold! It reminded me of Korean winters.

Winter 2003 was probably one of the funnest winters I've ever had, hanging out with Sang, David, and Will in Seoul. We even made a music video. Ah...good times.

I used to super-competitive. Especially in high school. Academically, athletically, musically, etc. When I got my first B in high school in 11th grade, I couldn't sleep for days. Then after coming to Cal, I lost a lot of that competitiveness. I was no longer super ambitious, and I no longer really have any materialistic goals that I used to have - like, owning a mansion, etc.

Recently, I began to wonder why. Why did I really change? Well, first, I was humbled. I ain't 'the shit' that I used to think I was. There are always - ALWAYS - someone smarter and better than you. And I guess that kinda slowly brought my confidence down. Secondly, I think I was being competitive and all that for all the wrong reasons. I was trying to please my parents, keep my reputation up as the smart guy, etc. Basically, I was doing it for other people - not really for myself. Making other people proud and happy made me happy. And this is still true most of the time. But I am trying SO hard these days not to do this anymore. No more people-pleaser. No more facade basically. And so when I realized that I had all these wrong reasons, I lost motivation to be competitive.

And then there's the most important reason... I no longer had to be an over-achiever to be happy. All that matters to me now is the message of the Gospel. Getting a great SAT score, great GPA, getting into the 2nd best school in the world, and getting a job didn't make me half as happy as knowing that God loves me even though I'm an ass. Haha..kinda crudely put, but I think it says it the best. God loves me no matter what. God loves me the same even if I screw up. God loves me unconditionally. God loves me. Damn, just saying these words make me feel better already.

I know my youth will go (already facing mid 20's...). I know this world will go. Nothing I do in this world will give me the security I have in God's love. I think this is why I'm not the super-competitive guy I used to be.

Now, I'm facing a huge challenge to filter out the bad competitiveness and keep only the good kind. The kind that motivates me to work hard and use the talent that God gave me.