If you're a fan of 24...

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is adirect result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is,in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in MiddleEastern men.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together,Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50Cent.


OMG, so funny. I had to jack these from Jane Moon's xanga...